Mike Chaney's Tech Corner

Tongue in cheek, of course,

New Sales Promotion!!

OK BUY QU.
 It now comes with CC at no extra charge.    (CC  Chaney Care, the no cost medical coverage)
   If you have red blotches, QU's blemish tool will fix it.
 If you have a liver ailment and your eyeballs are yellow, SEL Color will fix that.    RED eye, no problem.
 Need an amputation? Our Precision crop will take care of that for you.  Need Cataract surgery? No More! DFS will sharpen it all and remove the haloes from the cataracts... shall I go on?

Let's see if anyone has enough humor inside to be able to add to the list of coverage above.

Fred

You are more successful than I.

I tried QU with a bikini clad model :)

Auto Correct Exposure - No effect she still kept the bikini on.

Shadow Ns.  No effect she still had bags under her eyes.

I am going back to PS E and the clone stamp :(.

Just been caught by SWMBO ,   Oh, this is what you get up to in here is it? Reply. B---er off women can't you see I am busy touching her up :P :P :P :P

jeff

LOL! LOL! Jeff!

We also have a grafting department.... change the skin in Qimage.   

The horizon tool can set the angle of your bed for comfort...

C'mon... anyone else with a sense of humor?
Fred

Additions to the Free Health Care Plan

We have FUSION that takes care of spinal problems.
We have Smart Sharpen which keeps our scalpels honed!
All our bedside monitors that beep; they all have been profiled!

Our operating room has "Cutouts" to ensure that your incision has a neat shape and will fade quickly!
In case of a need to treat hemorrhoids, we feature a one click 180 degree rotation!

I need some help here!!
Fred

Here's a possibility.  To treat a skin rash like on the face, use Sel Col to restore natural skin tone!
Medical miracles with a click...
Richard

More additions!!!
As of March 3rd, 2013, our Brain Surgeons no longer need to use those mini telescope goggles in the operating room.

INSTAVIEW is now replacing the goggles.  Select the area of the brain you need to see, let Instaview open, and LOCK it open.


Also implemented about a week ago was the Cancel Print job button,
This is a monumental achievement!!
We have found that post surgical patients who have gone from the OR to Recovery, and who might not be doing so well can now have the surgery that was just finished, in a REDO state.
Simply hit the CANCEL button with the red X and the performed surgery and the patient revert back to *before* the surgery.

... and to think, this all comes FREE with Qimage Ultimate!

Fred

Another delivery of a Fine Addition to our care center!!
If you recall, Instaview replaced the brain surgeon's telescopic goggles.
Now, a button on the Instaview takes the patient right to the IMAGE EXAMINER.
It's giving our surgeons the ability to EXAMINE their resecting, dissecting, and intersecting at the click of a button!
Next,
We need some hot nurses!

Fred

Folks, this particular procedure has always been available, but only as elective surgery.
Now, offered for the first time in any Free Medical coverage from Qimage Ultimate only, "The Joan Rivers" * Face-lift* Plastic Surgery
Works like this:
Put a wrinkled face in the queue.
Go into the editor.
Set the DFS (or USM) to SELECT RGB tone, and eye dropper click on the face.
Try a radius of 4 and a strength of -125 (That's minus 125).
Now move the slider from MAX down to 90% and check the wrinkles.... want to remove more, slide to 85 or 80%.


Fred
Oh, we are building a new WING!   Of course when the building is complete it will only be for bird pictures!

Oh boy!
Happy to announce a new age piece of equipment which was delivered about 6:00 PM EDT on Wednesday
It's an electronic marvel which now allows our Doctors to do Operating Room procedures within a few seconds of the patient being wheeled into the OR.
No more time wasted washing and scrubbing hands. Just hold! Wait for the light to turn green! Start the procedure.

Barely enough time to wipe the blood off the scalpel from the last one.
Thank goodness for Tone Targeted Sharpening and Deep Focus Sharpening.  We can sharpen that puppy up in a blink of an eye.

During the procedure you will be guided by route signs along the way.
FINAL RAW... of course that means you have the highest quality operating team to work with.
Draft Raw.... that means your hospital gown is untied in the back!

Qimage Quality

Fred

Aah! It took a few months for the delivery to arrive at the Chaney Care (No Cost Medical coverage) Center.
We now have a Plastic Surgery/face lift/boob job wing.

With the addition of the new Custom Print To File feature, our digital surgeons can now do the above procedures very easily with precision heretofore never available.
Imagine! With face lifts, nose jobs, and boob jobs being the latest fad, it has become more important for the digital surgeon to be able to fit the new appendage to match person's needs.

He can use the Length, Width, and depth adjustments to advantage.
Imagine a nose created to be 2.2 inches long, .5 inches wide and 300 pixels deep. For the first time a 3 dimensional nose selector.

Imagine an actress placing an order for  5" wide x 7" high x 1200 pixels deep boobs.

Chaney Care gets better and better.

Here we go!!!!!
Another medical marvel added to the repertoire of the Chaney Care Free Medical facility.

As of a few days ago, The ULTIMATE Facility now has an SCB department!
SCB = Smart Color Boost.


That's right! At the touch of a mouse click, you can take away that pale wan look to your skin and make skin youthful and healthy looking.
It also replaces that lack luster, somber, Pennsylvania in February look to your outlook .... converting to a world of bright happy people cavorting in a landscape of flowers and color.

One test treatment of SCB, and you throw away your Valium!

Fred

You are correct, tried it yesterday on skin tones. the red adjustment did a very good job.

Had we been cavorting in February we would have gone very blue, doubt even SCB would have been able to revive us.  Of course we cavort in the nude, now that's a sight to be savoured.

All will be glad I am signing off for a few days.

jeff

New Equipment arrived for the Qimage-Chaney Free Health care wing

There is now a Search tool which is approved to replace the MRI which can find any procedure that the doctor has done before.

Imagine!   The surgeon in the operating room.  He asks for quiet, and requests the special nurse that holds the "OPERATIONS for DUMMIES" book open for him.
NO MORE!
Now she sits with her laptop, Qimage Ultimate open, and on command, searches for the last time the doctor did this procedure.
One more click, and it's on the screen.

Type "innie" or "outie" and have the Qimage Ultimate search for a full selection of belly buttons for your best choice for your next Plastic Surgery.

A perfect nose job!  Tag that image and be able to pull that up on command. 

Endless possibilities!!

All you need is a 2014 Qimage Ultimate.

Enjoy
Fred

We just received the updated model of the new machine that eliminates the need for the Operations for Dummies book.
This one, model 109, now allows you to delete from the data base, operations that failed; patient expired; called orphaned tags.

The Free CC Chaney Care health plan is always there for you!!
Enjoy,
Fred

As per the quote beow:


which reported the new equipment that would do Joan Rivers proud, the upgraded model arrived today.

Now your plastic surgeon can actually select your new facial color to almost infinite accuracy...
Get a tan in February... get highlights into your girlfriend's hair without a beauty salon appointment...
So many possibilities...

Your free Chaney Medical at work.

Fred

Another addition to the Chaney Clinic for free medical care.

This time it is a real Data Base.   Yes, including High Speed searches, and selective searches.

Example:
You are the surgeon on duty in the ER this night.
They wheel in a serial Rapist who was wounded by a police bullet while attempting to escape.

You inspect the wound and decide that you need a special instrument.
You look at the layout before you set up by the operating room nurse. It isn't there!

With the new Data Base Search engine you now have in Qimage Ultimate, Easy Peasy!

You could type in "Scalpel" and the data base would tell you where they are. Some in the sterilizer, some in the dishwasher, and some still in the sink.
You want a certain one.
You type RUSTY SCALPEL, click the AND button, and now Qimage Ultimate will only find the special one you want for the Serial Rapist.
It finds the one item that has BOTH words attached to it.

This will speed up locating anything you need.

Qimage keeps getting better and better....

Enjoy,
Fred

So now you are home, and looking through the images.
Where's that shot of that egret?
No problem!
Since you set up your images with descriptions, all the birds say BIRDS. Some also say BIRDS EGRET; some say BIRDS SNOWY EGRET; some say BIRDS SANDHILL CRANE, etc
You can see that I could search for "SNOWY" and get only the ones with the yellow feet, search for Egret, and get a wider range.

Wow. This is really neat.
Oh, the phone is ringing!  ER calling! Rapist patient took a turn for the worse.   
I better look up SEPSIS.

Have fun,
Fred

The Free Chaney Health clinic has just received a shipment of test equipment.
As of .139, each patient has his or her own monitor which monitors heart, (you hear it beating), healing (you hear the thumbs heal and a signal when healed).
Your monitor keeps track of Saving, and creating images, making email copies, sending to recycle, etc etc.

Your whole system is being monitored. You feel safe!!!

What!? You don't hear the tick?
Diagnosis!  You have a Bum Ticker, or your speaker volume is too low!!
We put you on the top of the transplant list if your speakers work.
Our Intensive Care Unit (ICU) is Internal Color Use.

Keep paying your free premiums so your coverage will not lapse.
Fred

Never Mind Obama Care. We have Free clinic Chaney care that comes with your Qimage Ultimate.

New videos out for all our staff, nurses and Doctors!

We now have added ON DECK to our clinic.
This is patterned after the baseball ON DECK.
Previously, the next patient scheduled for the operating room, was left in the hall on a Gurney.
Now that patient goes into the ON DECK facility. He has vending machines, nurses wearing Victoria Secret, and plenty of room to keep your next set of images scheduled to print or get emailed or anything.

In version 202, in addition to all the other new improvements, we just got our uneven borders, and printable templates.
What this means for Chaney Care is the surgeon can now stand closer to the operation table since his side can be made closer to the patient.
No longer do the Dr. and nurses have to mind the border space because of a large side.
Imagine what this means to a short person... The doctor can make the edge of the operating table 0.001.

Man oh Man!
Free Chaney health care is now available with a special low price Qimage Ultimate.
Fred

The Chaney Free health Care clinic has just received a shipment of the latest advancement in hospital gear.

MATS!

What could be new about mats, you ask?
These are Qimage Ultimate Mats!!

Imagine!  Scene!  You are in the hospital, one leg in a full cast and suspended in a sling.
You have to make a #1, really urgently!
You press the button to call the nurse for the bedpan.... no one comes.
They are watching a DVD of the doctors modeling Victor's Secret underwear.!

They finally see the blinking yellow light... too late, but not really.
With Qimage Ultimate's new MAT feature, they only had to open Ultimate on their computer and using the mouse, select the underneath mat, and pull them all out.
Then a few more mouse clicks, and a set of fresh clean mats are placed under you.

How about this scene?
You are in the operating room for a hemorrhoid operation.
You are on your stomach with your rear in the air.
In front of you is a small tray with two egg salad sandwiches and a pickle.
The doctor and the OR nurse are eating lunch. After all, it is noon.
You edge your body forward toward the tray, maybe to get a snack too, when the other OR nurse sees that you are out of position.
She grabs the corner of the mat underneath you, and drags you back into position.

In the past, we would have needed 4 people to grab the corners of the sheet under you to put you back in position.

Free Chaney Health Care at the Clinic keeps getting better and better!!

*** We do apologize for having our check-in receptionist ask you if your coverage has changed. The only way we can utilize all the new updated features if your coverage is up to date.
Please make sure you are covered with the latest Qimage 2014 version at all times.  

Have fun!

Fred

Chaney Free Health Care adds another feather to its cap.!!

Yes, we never stop improving your health care.
This comes in the form of a new medication called ULTRA NOISE REDUCTION.

This comes in digital form, but when it is dispensed as an analogue cream, Ultra NR on low will remove mild Acne, and zits.
On Medium, it will remove Psoriasis, crabs, and dingle-berries.

On High, it takes care of scars, scabs, Hemorrhoids, warts, and facial moles with a hair growing out of the mole.
Some reports have mentioned success with curing ED., and restless leg syndrome!

The Chaney Free health care system is working for you.
Have Fun!

Fred

A new Procedure added to the treatment Center.
Yes, I realize that it was only a few days ago that I reported on the new Noise reduction cream, but this is too big to wait.

Chaney Free Health Care has a new procedure which will be implemented today, June 4, 2014.
All our training sessions for the staff have been completed.

Your printer can get kidney stones too. It is in the form of a clog in your nozzle.
Have you ever had your nozzle clogged so badly that even a catheter didn't help?
Free Chaney Health Care now has an UNCLOG procedure that will pulse clean your nozzle painlessly, and with much less waste of fluid.

Man our facility just keeps getting better and better.!!

Have fun
Fred

Yes, it's a long story,  This clean out is much less pain.

Jeff

It was less than 2 weeks ago, The Chaney Free Health Care clinic received the NOZZLE UNCLOGGER.
Here we are with another fantastic upgrade to our facility.

Regardless if you have a big pixel or a small pixel, the day will come when you will have multi colored sparkles  all over it.
For years, this symptom was diagnosed as Measles, chicken pox, even Poison Ivy.
Modern digital science has now isolated the outbreak to the CHROMA bacteria!
And only the Chaney Free Health clinic has the cure.

No appointment necessary! Just open your Raw image using Qimage Ultimate.
Our patented NAC scanner (similar to the CAT scan) will check your image for   N Noise  and C Chroma.

It then applies the proper amount of " Chednisone" to cure the disease!

How's that for a great addition to the Chaney Health Care System.

Keeps getting better and better

Fred

Well, it has been a long hot summer, and Chaney Free Healthcare is still free.
 
We are thrilled to let our subscribers know that a new feature, once again, has been added to the Plastic Surgery wing of the Qimage clinic/hospital.
It is called THE HOT FOLDER  !!!!

It works very simply.

a) A copy of the latest Qimage Ultimate is running on the computer in the Recovery Room.

b) All you need is Windows Explorer in the OR

Scenario:

A man has a 2 x 3 image, and he wishes he had a 5 x 7.

He drops his 2 x 3 into the HOT FOLDER, in the sized sub folder marked 5 x 7, and Ultimate will give him the 5 x 7 he always wanted.
No anesthetic, no pain, no scars.

A woman has been suffering with a small size (A6) for a long time.  She envies all these large sizes she sees 'hanging' at various affairs.

She drops her A6 size image into the HOT FOLDER, and by selecting the output size, will now have the Super B or C, or even User Defined size she always wanted.
No Anesthetic. No pain, no scars.

Just another wonderful addition to the Free Chaney Healthcare system.

Fred

In a constant effort to improve the Chaney Free Health Care system, another addition was added yesterday, which, of course, will not affect your premiums, because there are none!
A couple of new features were added. REMEMBER LAST PRINT TO FILE LOCATION
A feature that now allows the attending physician to check a box on the form in the operating room and the patient will be returned to the last remembered location.
No more having mixups. If a person comes out of the OR and is supposed to go to the ICU or recovery room, he or she will get there if the box was checked.

If the OR staff was not able to save the patient, the Surgeon does not check the box so a different destination can be chosen.
Previously, if a person passed  away, he or she sometimes would be sent back to his room, with no one the wiser until a nurse noticed that the last 2 meals are still untouched in trays.
Worse than that! A patient that was to be sent to ICU ended up in a sliding drawer in the basement morgue.

So even small improvements make the Mike Chaney Free health Care system the best buy for the money.

Fred

Fred - what are you on??

Jeff

High on life!
Did I get a smile from you?
Then I won

R&D
Research and Development.

Yes, folks of the Mike Chaney free health care system, I want to enlighten you to the fact that we have deep thinkers, researchers, who are constantly finding ways for Qimage Ultimate to think "forward" and apply and test new theories and ideas.
Some of the biggest thinkers I know have Qimage.

The latest inroad!!
Most of you have heard of Jaundice; sometimes referred to as Yellow Jaundice.
It is most often seen as the yellowing of the whites of the eyes.
See screen snap.

As new cameras arrive on the scene, we see more and more pixels, megapixels.
This leads to a higher ppi for your prints, and as you have already figured out, this leads to Yellow Jaundice;
more commonly known as PEE-PEE EYE

This is only the first report on this phenomenon.
More to follow I'm sure.
It is part of the ongoing effort to provide Qimage Ultimate people the finest in Free Health Care.
Fred

In our ongoing effort to constantly improve the facility at the Chaney Free Health Care system, we have just received a very important software upgrade to our operating room computers.
Prior to this upgrade, weeks might go by between a surgeon performing repetitive operations.
Questions arise. Was the liver on the left or the  right side of the stomach area?
The heart? Left of the sternum.... ?

No more guessing...
With the new software, you can recall the last time that exact same procedure was performed.
Open Auto log to show the procedures on a given day in that OR, and now you can select the one single procedure of all those performed on that day  that you want to emulate; by using it to start a new session.

No more need to Photo Shop in a new heart or a new liver.  Just follow the presets and you will have a successful outcome.

I am getting a bit old for the operating room myself, but the last time I did, I performed Rectalectomy, I threw my brother in law out of the house and told him to get a job.

Be Safe and keep those zero dollar premiums paid up for your Chaney free health care.

Fred

I know this report is on the heels of the one from only 2 days ago, but the results of exhaustive testing on 100 Amoebas and 5000 Paramecia have finally been released.
We are proud to announce that the Chaney Free Health Care clinic is now permitted to use the new UNCLOGGER in Qimage Ultimate for many procedures.

These are the pertinent results.
Keep the RED and MAGENTA engaged to keep arteries clean and clear.
Keep CYAN and BLUE engaged to keep veins clear and open.
Keep GREEN engaged to clean Bile ducts.
Keep the ORANGE engaged to absorb more vitamin C.
Keep the YELLOW engaged for Kidney stones.
Finally, Keep the RED, GREEN and BLUE engaged if there is need to flush out any Brown residue.

Epilogue.
More testing needed, but it appears that three consecutive days  of using the FULL PAGE UNCLOGGER will have you ready for your Colonoscopy!

Stay well,
Fred

Is it still worth getting Qimage?

Even more reason.
Qimage now has VANISH

No  toilet paper needed anymore

http://ddisoftware.com/tech/qimage-ultimate/vanish-tool-a-new-use/msg21594/#msg21594

I had been remiss in posting the latest improvements to the Chaney Free health care clinic.
We now have an A/B switch in Refine. Essentially a Before and After switch to see how the procedure is proceeding.
Imagine the surgeon at the clinic doing a gender change operation.
Using this revolutionary A/B switch he  can see what was there before and after he cut!!

We also added the ODR system. Optimal Detail Recovery.
All the surgeon need do is draw a yellow box around the area that needs more detail and Viola, you can even count everything
If you draw that yellow box for maximum detail around the proper area, you will be able to see the pheromones as they emanate.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pheromone
Actually see them? Only if you use Qimage Ultimate.
Just remember, whatever health plan you may have, The Chaney health care plan is always free with a copy of teh latest Qimage Ultimate.
 Enjoy,
Fred